Monday I excitedly and happily walked in to my familiar ward. I couldn’t wait to see the sweet and kind auntie again, who said she could eat some ice cubes to reduce the fever. I couldn’t wait to see the septicaemia grandma again, who refused to open her mouth when I tried to clean her teeth. I couldn’t wait to see the auntie again, whom I got lectured by the CI for not tidying up her clothes properly after bed bathing. I couldn’t wait to see the grandma again, who cried out loud and asked us to erase the “8” behind the 37.8◦C so that she could discharge and go home. But I was disappointed after searching for a while—the patients in the whole ward have been changed except two.
On a second thought, I knew that I shouldn’t be disappointed. In fact, I should be happy for them.
They could finally discharge from the hospital and go home. Isn’t it great?
It is funny to come to realize that what a great number it is, of people or strangers you meet everyday, and they come in and out of your life quietly, hastily, and somehow, without you even notice it.
Except the septicaemia grandma; she passed away last Friday.
I was not surprised. It’s not that I’m being cold-hearted, but who can survive with this kind of blood disease?
Tuesday, it was just half an hour before we called it a night. A grandma was crying hard. She was in a misery of abdominal pain. The staff nurses refused to do anything, which I had no idea why. All we could do was, stood beside her and tried to comfort her.
11pm that night, she passed away.
And that, I was shocked.
I was shocked in two ways: first, I couldn’t grasp why the staff nurses stayed still for over 4 hours. Second, I couldn’t believe the patient, whom I nursed not too long ago, passed away. I couldn’t imagine what would it be if she died in front of me. Never in my life have I experienced someone passed away before my eyes.
Will I be calm? Will I cry? Or just shrug my shoulders?
I wondered had she fulfilled her dreams. I wondered if she had had any regrets in her life.
She reminded me of my regrets again.
Sometimes I wonder when can the not-so-care people will stop whining and start bucking up their lives? I guess the only way is—they go through the mistake they have made, and then come to realize that themselves.
Yes, life is short. Don’t repeat your mistakes again, and live your life to the fullest.
As for Iskeen (really have no idea how to spell her name), she really needs to build up her confidence more. During the 2-day practice in the same cubical with her, I could tell that she really has no confidence in whatever she does. It was frustrated, but I understood. She is only eighteen, and I am twenty freaking four. She just needs some time to learn.
After all, I was her when I was eighteen.
Some people said my ego is strong.
Ego and chicken, what would you choose?
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