Oh my, oh my, what can I do?
Lord please relieve the pain he suffers
I realized I know nothing, so I’ve got to be good
So I can help the patients like him when I become a nurse
I walked in the ward, and I saw an old man
He’s just returned from the OT
There he was lying, looking at me
Leg was swollen; wound was bleeding
I couldn’t help, but looked at him
I’ll never forget the face that day
Tears in his eyes, pain on his face
Asking me for help
Oh my, oh my, what can I do?
Lord please relieve the pain he suffers
I realized I know nothing, so I’ve got to be good
So I can help the patients like him when I become a nurse
There was his son standing next to me
Looking worried, and I didn’t know what to say
He was brought to the X-ray room
But somehow he managed to smile at me
The end of the night, I went to see him again
I held his hand; I looked at him and said,
“Just a little while, you will be fine”
But somehow he’s still smiling at me
Something warm rollin’ through my eyes
Today I went to see him before I left
He was smiling, waving his hand
He shook my hand and said, “thank you”
Oh my, oh my, what can I do?
Lord please relieve the pain he suffers
I realized I know nothing, that I’ve got to study harder
So I can help more people when I become a nurse
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Friday, July 25, 2008
White Angels part 1
What’s happened to the little white angels?
Smiles no longer hanging on their faces
Left with numbness and apathy
What’s happened to the little white angels?
Glorifying the nobility of their deed
Drips are drying, medicines are forgotten, patients are crying
What’s happened to the little white angels?
Promoting the professionalism of their works
Shaking their heads to English and pointing their fingers to doctor
What’s happened to our little white angels?
Has they turned to become evils?
–Or, has god taken their beautiful hearts away?
What’s happened to our little white angels?
When can the patients in this land be free from suffering?
And when is the day our little angels return home with lamps in their hands?
Smiles no longer hanging on their faces
Left with numbness and apathy
What’s happened to the little white angels?
Glorifying the nobility of their deed
Drips are drying, medicines are forgotten, patients are crying
What’s happened to the little white angels?
Promoting the professionalism of their works
Shaking their heads to English and pointing their fingers to doctor
What’s happened to our little white angels?
Has they turned to become evils?
–Or, has god taken their beautiful hearts away?
What’s happened to our little white angels?
When can the patients in this land be free from suffering?
And when is the day our little angels return home with lamps in their hands?
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Hospital posting-- journal 1
I have been ambivalent for the past few days since I came back from my first-week posting in Sg. Buloh Hospital.
I knew that it is ridiculous to compare the real-life environment with the embellished, fancy, and, if I can say, glamorous scenes you often see on the show like ER, or Grey’s Anatomy. I also knew that I am being too hypercritical or biased if I compare the nurses in Canada with the nurses here. Somehow, I just couldn’t help but felt disappointed, especially when I witnessed how the staff nurses treated a patient who just returned from the operating room.
Looking at the patient’s face wretched by tears, I was heart-broken. A wave of anger rushed over me. I wanted to stand up for the patient. On the other hand, I was uncommunicative. After all, what kind of power a student nurse has over senior staff nurses? I wanted to release the pain he was suffering. On the other hand, I was stuck in the mud. After all, what kind of skill or knowledge does a three-month student nurse really know?
I decided to talk to the patient. As I opened my mouth, I realized that my tongue, somehow, got stuck in the throat.
There was no word coming out of my mouth.
I had used to think that communication with patients would not be a problem to me as my previous employment has given me an adeptness in handling of customers. That day, I realized that communicating with healthy people and communicating with sick people are two different things.
You just cannot set off the conversation with “the weather is very nice today”, can you? I mean the patient is lying on the bed suffering. He cannot even enjoy every minute, and you are telling him that the weather is nice?
When Ms. Noorlida assigned me to a unit, I was standing there and frozen for quite awhile. I was shock—no matter how well I thought I could handle it, and no matter how well I had prepare procedures prior to the theories and the practice, my mind went off instantly. I didn’t know what to do.
“It is my first time ‘working’ in a hospital. Being panic is understandable,” this was what I told myself afterwards.
Nevertheless, the experience that I gained was marvellous and precious. Although I was upset by the attitudes of the staff nurses, at least I still learned a lot from them. And I finally had a taste of how it is like working in a hospital. Having bad nurses as a reflect, I now know how to be a good nurse. Since I cannot tell them in face, this is what I want to say—if you really hate your job, just quit. Don’t put your sufferings on other people and treat them as your scapegoats. As what Ms. Celine said, what goes around, it comes back around. One day, when other nurses take care of your beloved ones, they will do the same.
I knew that it is ridiculous to compare the real-life environment with the embellished, fancy, and, if I can say, glamorous scenes you often see on the show like ER, or Grey’s Anatomy. I also knew that I am being too hypercritical or biased if I compare the nurses in Canada with the nurses here. Somehow, I just couldn’t help but felt disappointed, especially when I witnessed how the staff nurses treated a patient who just returned from the operating room.
Looking at the patient’s face wretched by tears, I was heart-broken. A wave of anger rushed over me. I wanted to stand up for the patient. On the other hand, I was uncommunicative. After all, what kind of power a student nurse has over senior staff nurses? I wanted to release the pain he was suffering. On the other hand, I was stuck in the mud. After all, what kind of skill or knowledge does a three-month student nurse really know?
I decided to talk to the patient. As I opened my mouth, I realized that my tongue, somehow, got stuck in the throat.
There was no word coming out of my mouth.
I had used to think that communication with patients would not be a problem to me as my previous employment has given me an adeptness in handling of customers. That day, I realized that communicating with healthy people and communicating with sick people are two different things.
You just cannot set off the conversation with “the weather is very nice today”, can you? I mean the patient is lying on the bed suffering. He cannot even enjoy every minute, and you are telling him that the weather is nice?
When Ms. Noorlida assigned me to a unit, I was standing there and frozen for quite awhile. I was shock—no matter how well I thought I could handle it, and no matter how well I had prepare procedures prior to the theories and the practice, my mind went off instantly. I didn’t know what to do.
“It is my first time ‘working’ in a hospital. Being panic is understandable,” this was what I told myself afterwards.
Nevertheless, the experience that I gained was marvellous and precious. Although I was upset by the attitudes of the staff nurses, at least I still learned a lot from them. And I finally had a taste of how it is like working in a hospital. Having bad nurses as a reflect, I now know how to be a good nurse. Since I cannot tell them in face, this is what I want to say—if you really hate your job, just quit. Don’t put your sufferings on other people and treat them as your scapegoats. As what Ms. Celine said, what goes around, it comes back around. One day, when other nurses take care of your beloved ones, they will do the same.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
My Future Dilemma
It is 31 degrees outside, sunny, hot and humid; in my own little world, it is cloudy, and I feel cold and depressed.
Some people say uncertainty in the future is fun. The process of working hard and watching how your future unfolds is a pleasure and privilege. You are an artist. Your future is like a plain banner. How and what you color on the banner determines how your future will turn out to be like.
The thing is, there are too many options—too many colors to choose from and too many ways to paint the banner.
I have stumbled and got stuck in the dilemma.
I try to visualize and imagine my future: if I paint it with green, how it is going to look like? What about if I paint it with blue mixed with red?
After all, I am afraid that regrets will arise in my heart eventually from the color I have chosen to use. However, no matter how hard I try to foresee the end product, it is all obscure.
I am panicked.
Being stressed enough issues about school and returning home, I now am trying to calm the big waves in my heart caused by an unexpected presence of a stranger. In order to prevent Jun from finding out what has happened and getting his heart broken, I lied. In order to prevent “E” from knowing deeply about my past, I lied. In order to prevent myself from hurting and getting hurt by anybody and falling into the melancholy trap again, I even lied to myself. It is not fair for all of us in this incident. I know I am wrong, but I just can’t help it.
I am so frustrated. I hate lying, but at the same time, I find myself making up lots of prevarications and living in my own fabricated world.
Who can assure me that I could return to my home if I choose to stay with Jun? Who can assure me that Jun is still going to remain devoted to me 2 years after? Who can assure me that “E” is the right mate of my life? Who can assure me that the color that I choose to paint with will definitely turn out the picture to be the one I have been longing for?
Sometimes I really wish I am a fish that lives in the ocean. I get to go anywhere I like in the world, and swim freely without worries. I am simple but happy—not like human’s brains, which are full of complications.
Uncertainty in the future is, in fact, depressing.
I’m lighting a cigarette, and falling into deep meditation again.
Some people say uncertainty in the future is fun. The process of working hard and watching how your future unfolds is a pleasure and privilege. You are an artist. Your future is like a plain banner. How and what you color on the banner determines how your future will turn out to be like.
The thing is, there are too many options—too many colors to choose from and too many ways to paint the banner.
I have stumbled and got stuck in the dilemma.
I try to visualize and imagine my future: if I paint it with green, how it is going to look like? What about if I paint it with blue mixed with red?
After all, I am afraid that regrets will arise in my heart eventually from the color I have chosen to use. However, no matter how hard I try to foresee the end product, it is all obscure.
I am panicked.
Being stressed enough issues about school and returning home, I now am trying to calm the big waves in my heart caused by an unexpected presence of a stranger. In order to prevent Jun from finding out what has happened and getting his heart broken, I lied. In order to prevent “E” from knowing deeply about my past, I lied. In order to prevent myself from hurting and getting hurt by anybody and falling into the melancholy trap again, I even lied to myself. It is not fair for all of us in this incident. I know I am wrong, but I just can’t help it.
I am so frustrated. I hate lying, but at the same time, I find myself making up lots of prevarications and living in my own fabricated world.
Who can assure me that I could return to my home if I choose to stay with Jun? Who can assure me that Jun is still going to remain devoted to me 2 years after? Who can assure me that “E” is the right mate of my life? Who can assure me that the color that I choose to paint with will definitely turn out the picture to be the one I have been longing for?
Sometimes I really wish I am a fish that lives in the ocean. I get to go anywhere I like in the world, and swim freely without worries. I am simple but happy—not like human’s brains, which are full of complications.
Uncertainty in the future is, in fact, depressing.
I’m lighting a cigarette, and falling into deep meditation again.
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